Do background check on business partner

SENSE & SENSITIVITY by Har­ri­ette Cole

DEAR HARRIETTE: I got an email from some­one ask­ing me to par­tic­i­pate in a busi­ness project with him. He said he was referred to me by a woman with whom I used to work. She did not reach out to me. He did directly. I signed his nondis­clo­sure and have been inch­ing toward work­ing with him, but some­thing seems off. First of all, he doesn’t seem business-savvy. But since she referred him, I want to give him a chance. Am I wrong to do that? — Unsure, Shreve­port, La.

DEAR UNSURE: Right after you heard from this man — and before sign­ing a nondis­clo­sure — you should have called your friend to check his ref­er­ences. Just because he said she rec­om­mended him doesn’t mean it’s so. This man could be bor­row­ing on your friend’s name.

I pre­fer refer­rals to be direct. If I refer some­one, I pick up the phone or send an email and say as much.

You are where you are. Stop now and con­tact your friend. Find out what she knows about him. Even more, trust your instincts. If you don’t think he’s a match for you, move on.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I like your common-sense advice and enjoy read­ing your responses in the Chicago Tribune.

I had another thought about your answer to “Cold Feet” (the man who broke it off with his fiancee because she was unwill­ing to help take care of his chil­dren). We don’t have both sides of the story, and he doesn’t spec­ify who ended the engage­ment. It could have been the girl­friend because he may have expected her, as a female, to take over par­ent­ing duties and was try­ing to cut out the mom.

I say that as a legal aid attor­ney who has rep­re­sented mostly women in divorce/custody cases for almost 25 years. I am also a step­mom with a very close rela­tion­ship to my husband’s daugh­ter. I did lots of “kid duty” when she was small.

You were right to praise “Cold Feet” for putting his kids first, and I hope that’s the case, but some­thing didn’t ring quite true about his let­ter. — Skep­ti­cal, Chicago

DEAR SKEPTICAL: I have received a num­ber of let­ters regard­ing this sit­u­a­tion. Your voice is an impor­tant addition.

It is pos­si­ble that this man was not being fully forth­com­ing. Cus­tody bat­tles can be intense, cal­cu­lat­ing and ugly. Let’s hope that’s not the case here.

I main­tain that any poten­tial spouse of a par­ent with chil­dren must accept respon­si­bil­ity for sup­port­ing the chil­dren emo­tion­ally and more.

(Lifestyl­ist and author Har­ri­ette Cole is pres­i­dent and cre­ative direc­tor of Har­ri­ette Cole Media. You can send ques­tions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Uni­ver­sal Uclick, 1130 Wal­nut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

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