She should be paying rent

Dear Annie: My 25-year mar­riage is falling apart. My husband’s 40-year-old daugh­ter, “Sally,” has been liv­ing with us for eight months. She occa­sion­ally buys a few gro­ceries, but oth­er­wise pays noth­ing. She does no work around the house. I’ve asked her to help clean the shared bath­room. She says she doesn’t think she should have to do any clean­ing because she doesn’t mess any­thing up. She uses the bath­tub more than we do and has all kinds of junk in there. She says her father also has stuff in there, so it’s my job to clean it. I refuse.

Mean­while, my hus­band says Sally is right. He agrees that she shouldn’t have to do any work around the house because she has a full-time job. (We are retired.) She also never cleans up after her­self in the kitchen and doesn’t help with the dishes after eat­ing the din­ner I cook.

This is caus­ing major prob­lems between my hus­band and me. He isn’t inter­ested in coun­sel­ing. What can I do about Sally? — A Sad Marriage

Dear Sad: If Sally has a full-time job, she should be pay­ing rent. If she won’t pay rent, she should con­tribute to the house­hold by help­ing with the house­work, gro­ceries and cook­ing on a reg­u­lar basis. The fact that you are retired doesn’t make you her ser­vant. Tell your hus­band HE can clean up after her.

Your real prob­lem is that your hus­band doesn’t back you up, and he puts Sally’s pref­er­ences above yours. The goal should be to get Sally out of your house as soon as pos­si­ble. It is not healthy for any of you if she remains depen­dent on Daddy.

Dear Annie: I am in an abu­sive mar­riage. There has been some phys­i­cal abuse along with ver­bal, emo­tional and men­tal abuse. It has gone on for three years, and I think about leav­ing every day. I cry all the time.

I have tried to be a good wife, but noth­ing I do is good enough. I have talked to a cou­ple of coun­selors, and they tell me I need to get out. I want to, but I don’t have any money (he has seen to that) and I have no place to go. I don’t have any fam­ily or friends close by to stay with.

I’ve been in con­tact with the local women’s shel­ter a cou­ple of times, but right now, they don’t have any avail­able hous­ing. How can I leave if I don’t have any money or a place to go? I just don’t know how much longer I can hang on. — Crying

Dear Cry­ing: Please call the National Domes­tic Vio­lence Hot­line (thehotline.org) at 1–800-799-SAFE (1–800-799‑7233). The peo­ple there can help you fig­ure out how to pro­tect your­self and pre­pare to leave this rela­tion­ship. In the mean­time, don’t hide your sit­u­a­tion. Let oth­ers know what is going on, includ­ing your fam­ily mem­bers and trust­wor­thy friends. When you are able to leave, you will need their support.

Dear Annie: This is in response to “Maybe It’s Not Just Hor­mones.” I was mar­ried for 22 years, and our sex life was strictly for my ex. It was hard to enjoy inti­macy with some­one who was con­stantly jeal­ous and didn’t trust me — and he had no rea­son to feel that way. He was the only man I’d ever been with.

I have been divorced for 18 years and was done with men. But a friend sug­gested online dat­ing sites, so I recently signed up and met a nice gen­tle­man. I real­ized I needed to have sex with another man to see what gen­uine inti­macy was like. Well, let me tell you, I am so sat­is­fied I can­not describe it. He says I am an excel­lent lover.

I am 60 years old and never thought I would enjoy sex. Now I know any­thing is pos­si­ble. — Enjoy­ing Life

Annie’s Mail­box is writ­ten by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, long­time edi­tors of the Ann Lan­ders col­umn. Please email your ques­tions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie’s Mail­box, c/o Cre­ators Syn­di­cate, 737 3rd Street, Her­mosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Annie’s Mail­box and read fea­tures by other Cre­ators Syn­di­cate writ­ers and car­toon­ists, visit the Cre­ators Syn­di­cate Web page at www.creators.com.

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