Ask Aunt Abby - Socks

Aunt Abby: I hes­i­tate to write to you, because my prob­lem sounds very strange. My friends shun me now and there is noth­ing to lose. So, here it is. The prob­lem is socks.

“Socks?” You say.

“Yes, that’s the issue. When you stop snick­er­ing, I will tell my tale. Ready?”

You know how a thought flit­ters across your mind and just as quickly dis­ap­pears. Then one day the nag­ging feel­ing explodes into full para­noia. The laun­dry room becomes an unspeak­able place of ter­ror. You can’t go in there, but you must! Your fam­ily is count­ing on you. Their laun­dry is pil­ing higher and you’re start­ing to not smell so fresh either.

How did it get so bad? Am I los­ing my mind? Unan­swered ques­tions run through my tor­tured brain. Fear is my new bed­fel­low. Socks are haunt­ing even my dreams.

My dilemma started out harm­less enough. Like most peo­ple, at least one sock gets away every time the laun­dry is done. It has become an unpleas­ant fact, what goes in as a pair, comes out as only one. No mat­ter how much you search, the lit­tle bug­gar is nowhere to be found. Weeks, months, and years may go by before a sock mag­i­cally reap­pears in many a curi­ous place. Who knows where, why and how their excur­sions begin.

Any­way, the mys­tery, I am allud­ing to, started a few months ago. I dried a load of socks, folded them together, and reached in to get the last lonely sock. To my great sur­prise: It wasn’t there! The dryer was empty! Every sock had its mate! I couldn’t believe my luck. This has never hap­pened before. Imag­ine my sur­prise, when the same thing hap­pened the next time and the next… I didn’t under­stand, but I would joy­fully accept it.

Even­tu­ally, I noticed not only were all pairs accounted for, but also they were posi­tioned in the dryer closer together each time. About a month ago, they started lay­ing out in pairs just an inch or so from their mates. What can this mean? — Socks Tobeme in Ohio

Dear Socks: It sounds like a bizarre rit­ual that we humans can­not under­stand. I will ask my experts if they ever came upon this kind of prob­lem. Mean­while, observe them closely and write me back next week. I care.- Sin­cerely, Aunt Abby

P.S. Leave the lights on when you go to bed.

Ask Aunt Abby is a cre­ation of writer Debra Shafer.

Posted by Guest 2 Columnist on Jan 9 2012. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS Feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.